You go to a wrestling show to forget the day and watch people fight and put their bodies on the line. You, the person who had to deal with another day of work, the guy in the crowd whose wife left him and took the kids, the woman who was laid off, all of you want to forget. And forget you shall, for something strange is in the air. It stands the hairs on your arm on end and sends goosebumps and chills throughout your body. It’s contagious, but you cannot describe it.
A presence is felt, and your soul feels lighter; he struts into the room and all falls and dissipates, like snow in the twilight of winter. Whether you know it or not, whether you plan it or not, you, along with many others, are caught in his power. His white hair snatches your soul, and his words laced with Scottish accent captures your attention. All of the day’s worries are replaced with the glory he brandishes and suddenly you are inspired. You have something to believe in.
You believe in Joe Hendry.
Like a televangelist preacher with a mega mansion delivering a sermon onto the masses, only better, the words of his spirit fly within you, leaving you to wave your arms from side to side, with a choir giving way to a guitar, bursting with emotion. That lump in your throat swells and tears fill and kiss your eyelids as you utter the words:
I believe in Joe Hendry!
It’s okay, for others are doing it. It takes a strong, yet foolish man to ignore the power of Joe Hendry. After all, he’s so prestigious, he’s so majestic. They, along with everyone else, however, know not to utter his name. For it brings him, it brings him and there is naught you could do about it. Wherever you are in the world, he will be there. Roswell, New Mexico. Plovdiv, Bulgaria. Pyongyang, North Korea. He’s there. There is no escape and you will believe.
You will believe in Joe Hendry.
Allow me to tell of my experiences with Joe Hendry, and that of others. Once, I broke down emotionally, intoxicated after liquor became oxygen for me after failing my college classes so many times that I called his name and he appeared. He didn’t give me any advice. He didn’t need to – he’s Joe Hendry. He was there during my moments of sleep paralysis – he didn’t do anything, but he read my thoughts and gave a nodding look of solidarity that told me that soon, I would be freed, because I believed in Joe Hendry. I think he still hears my thoughts. I fear and believe in Joe Hendry.
We must believe in Joe Hendry.
He’s there, in our darkest thoughts, in our vulnerable states, and we must follow his wisdom and his wit – for he is Joe Hendry. He will steal your partner like a thief in the night. He will coerce you into giving him money, like one of those fake Instagram or Twitter accounts that pretend to be celebrities or people you know. He will make you sit through ads on YouTube, even the ones that you can skip. He can make you do anything, for he is persuasive. He is Joe Hendry.
The Scottish one has wrestled all over the world, holding gold in Insane Championship Wrestling (tag team), DDT Wrestling (Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship belt), the award for Best Entrance in Ring of Honor, and he has recently held Impact Wrestling’s Digital Media Championship off of Bryan Myers on October 22, 2022, against the odds of Matt Cardona in his fellow Edgehead’s corner, when Hendry was aided by Rhyno and Heath. Cardona was just delaying the inevitable with Hendry, anyway. He could gain gold anywhere, for he is Joe Hendry.
But on this momentous occasion, Hendry gained what he was meant for – a title which coalesces with his esteemed presence like peanut butter with chocolate or burgers with fries. Yes, he may have won the WCPW/Defiant World Championship and the ICW Tag Team Championships with Davey Boy, and he may have held one of the most reputable title in all of professional wrestling – DDT’s Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship, but Joe Hendry is the Digital Media Championship and the DIgital Media Championship is Joe Hendry.
As he waved his title while his legions of supporters in the crowd and across the world waved along with him, his majesty radiated through the building and through the airwaves. We can do it, because Joe Hendry did it. He is Joe Hendry.
It is his burden alone to carry us, to inspire us and have the best day of our lives, spent in short moments with him. Nullifying the worst life has to offer, he holds us in his grasp as he speaks a holy phrase in wrestling and in music – sometimes both simultaneously. He is no ordinary man. He is the living ambrosia, he is the Digital Media Champion, Joe Hendry.
So when you feel compelled to sway left to right and hum a power ballad, know he is near, and he believes in you, so believe in him.
Believe in Joe Hendry.