Five Matches That Should Have Been At All In

Wow. Wembley Stadium. When AEW started in 2019, it was a big deal with so many milestones that inevitably reached. The first show; the first television series; bringing CM Punk out of retirement; the first video game; the signing of Tony Nese; and now a stadium. That’s right, moving beyond arenas, Tony Khan and All Elite Wrestling swung for the fences and instead knocked the ball straight out of the park. 

However, though the All In card is impressive and will doubtlessly entertain fans, there are so many missed opportunities. Money wasn’t merely left on the table – it’s spilling over – wasted, ignored, overlooked. 

Not my All In. 

I pride myself as a wrestling fan to know more than the wrestlers and bookers and everyone deeper into the business than I am, and therefore I will take it upon myself to detail what could be done to spice the card up to fit my own subjective takes that are in no way satirical and are totally factual.

5. CM Punk vs Kenny Omega

I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t want this? Who wouldn’t want someone to work with a co-worker they probably don’t feel safe or comfortable around? You? Pfft. I bet you tell your boss that you don’t want to work with the guy a few cubicles over who keeps staring at you menacingly and has even threatened your life in front of your very face. This generation is so soft. Think of the money! (Breaking kayfabe early here with the disclaimer that I like both wrestlers but I think them wrestling each other is in fact a bad idea. Sustained, overruled.)

4. RUSH vs Sheamus

I sure hope the people who feel the need to tell me that this can’t happen because Sheamus is in WWE and is therefore impossible. It would be a shame if they didn’t. There needs to be more of these replies when people mention dream matches they clearly know can’t happen as if they actually were not aware. But imagine these two stiff bois clobbering each other like me when I eat crackers without a drink to wash it down. There would be bruises and mean faces and everything wrestling is made of. Please, please tell me this can’t happen. 

3. Jeff Jarrett & Taylor Swift vs a Filet-O-Fish Sandwich & Willow Nightingale

Double J? Check. Willow Nightingale? Checkaroo. McDonald’s product placement? Check-oslavakia. What better way to round out this mixed tag match than a real-life ally of Jeff Jarrett, the pop singer that once babysat his children? To team up with a man with Eras behind him, would Forevermore be an accolade that would cement the celebrity in wrestling Folklore. The math does itself, and much like the Filet-O-Fish, it is delicious (unless you lack proper working taste buds).

2. Godzilla vs The Megazord from Power Rangers

East vs West. Reptile vs human-piloted super-machinery. When all rangers combine to defeat monumentally sized behemoths, they always come out on top. But what about the radioactive lizard who breathes blue fire and sounds like a tortured chalkboard? Unable to be contained within Wembley, this would likely be a London Street Fight. All the streets though. This town ain’t big enough for the two of them. Eat crap, Big Ben.

1. Me vs My Lack of Self-Esteem vs Bad Bunny

Move over, MJF and Adam Cole – Bad Bunny is main eventing here. And who better than the eternal rivals between me and the hurdle in liking myself for who I am inside? It’ll be a slobber knocker for sure, with blood guaranteed. This has the capacity to match the main events of WrestleMania XXX, where two bitter rivals intertwined forever must clash and the epic workhorse of a babyface must overcome both. Bad Bunny would likely go over. I still haven’t heard his music.

Bonus: Football (soccer) vs Football (real)

Dribbling a black and white checkered ball from one side of an arena to another is alright, but so is tossing the ol’ pigskin from teammate to teammate in order to score a home run. You don’t need to be a hockey puck to see how fierce this feud has been raging on, but no need to cause a tennis racket over it! For this, I’d pit two of my favorite teams: Arsenal from football and the Kansas City Chiefs from football. Go sports!

So, there you have it. A right proper fix, slapped on like a Flex Seal tape onto a heavy leak. You’re welcome, AEW Galaxy. You’re welcome, Tony Khan. You’re welcome, Phil Swift, spokesman of Flex Seal.

Real talk, All In at Wembley is going to be a dream come true, regardless of what we want or don’t want on the card. If wrestling has taught us anything in the past few years post-lockdown is that international fans are rabid for more wrestling in their area. They don’t get the big shows that Americans do as often. They have to wait for a bone to be tossed in their direction.

Also, wrestlers need moments like these – to show that they can achieve these kinds of glories that will never be forgotten. Adam Cole and MJF will go down as the headliners for one of wrestling’s biggest shows ever. Swerve Strickland and Darby Allin get to work with Sting and Christian Cage. CM Punk and Samoa Joe write another chapter in their novel of war. So, so much about this card will go down as something memorable and important, regardless of which tribe you subscribe to, and how much this means to audiences everywhere, not just the United States.

You only need to look at where WWE has been: Wales, England, Australia, Canada, and soon-to-be India, not to mention the U.S. territory of Puerto Rico – going outside the comfort zone of America has proven to be the adrenaline shot that is needed in wrestling. It feels as though the world of wrestling is thriving and beats beyond the “land of opportunity”. The American Dream started from immigrants from all these places, so let’s bring the giants of the media form to drift and expand.

Wrestling needs shows like this in London. It needs it everywhere, beyond just who is simply “there”. This is a medium with many moving parts, featuring talents from all over that gives a feeling of fluidity and world-building to something wholly based in real life and competition.

Let’s rejoice in what we have, and the fact we get more and more. I’m all in on this, are you?