MLW Recap: Battle Riot 2019

Last week on MLW: Daga and Ariel Dominguez had an average ass match, Daga and Low Ki yelled at each other because Low Ki ripped of Daga’s cauliflower ear one time. Air Wolf made his debut, impressing everyone who watched the match. Ricky Martinez ended up getting the win over the 19-year old Air Wolf. Teddy Hart defended his middleweight championship against Myron Reed in a banger of a match.

This is MLW’s 52nd episode. Meaning it’s a one year anniversary since they’ve been on television. Battle Riot is a match created by MLW owner Court Bauer. Battle Riot is a 40 man elimination match, where you can be eliminated by pin, submission or being thrown over the top rope.

Cold Open

It’s a video package highlighting all the stars in MLW that brings us right to New York with the crowd chanting “ML-dub”.

MLW World Middleweight Championship

Ace Austin vs. Teddy Hart(c)

  • I love Ace Austin’s entrance and “magician” gimmick, but he doesn’t do any magic tricks while wrestling. That is what needs to happen! I guess we need to wait for him to be a bad guy.
  • Teddy Hart comes out alone and the camera cuts to The Dynasty sitting at ringside. Hart Foundation and Dynasty have been feuding lately. Dynasty even got Teddy Hart arrested.
  • The Dynasty are drinking champagne and Richard Holliday is wearing airpods cause he a douche.
  • Ace and Teddy are both fan favorites but the crowd is 100% behind Hart. Teddy isn’t even wearing glitter clothes.
  • Teddy keeps trying to shake Ace’s hand but Ace keeps pushing the hand out of the way. The crowd wasn’t too happy and Teddy Hart shows his displeasure by hitting a powerbomb back cracker on Austin.
  • There is no padding outside of the ring and Teddy suplexed Austin right onto the concrete!
  • One thing to remember, Teddy Hart does not really tell stories in the matches that he dominates. The dude CAN tell stories, especially when he is “injured”, but when he is mostly on offense, it’s just movez.
  • Teddy walks over to The Dynasty, drinks some of their champagne and throws the glass on their security. It’s strange because Teddy is openly sober, so for him to drink the alcohol is weird to see.
  • Hart and Austin fight on the top turnbuckle. Ace is able to drop Teddy on his crotch to turn the tide of the match.
  • Austin hits a weird top rope twisting fameasser. The crowd chants “Teddy”. It’s crazy how over Teddy Hart is with the MLW fanbase.
  • Teddy’s top rope Canadian destroyer into a normal Canadian destroyer is what won him the match.

And I’m Like… Sometimes Teddy is so confident in his abilities it’s scary. Dude just trusts his timing and depth perception. The back to back destroyers seemed a bit off and Teddy looked shaken up after the match. It’s a typical Teddy Hart match. Teddy cuts a promo after the match calling out Hammerstone. MJF smashes a champagne bottle on Teddy’s head.

They are hyping the next match but there are weird blood stains in the ring, meaning this match was not the second match on the card.

Myron Reed w/Rich Swann vs. Minoru Tanaka

  • Myron Reed and Rich Swann have tape over their mouths that say “Justice”. Myron is a special talent and really has swagger and confidence. The music really helps him a lot too.
  • Tanaka is the only man to hole all five available light heavyweight championships Japan has to offer. This is a middleweight bout, but this should be a gem.
  • The ref checks Reed for illegal objects but will not check Tanaka. Myron draws attention to it and so do the commentators. Real unfair, real good for the story.
  • I don’t like how Reed and Swann are “heels” when their only storyline is that the referee’s are screwing them over. Like with the checking with weapons bit, why would that make me want to boo Reed?
  • Reed is getting worked over and doing a tremendous job at selling. Tanaka had everything well in hand until Swann interfered. Then there was a commercial break.
  • Tanaka is back in charge of the match and there is no replay to explain why. Myron looks like he is about to throw up. Shout out to Teddy Hart who got beat up so hard he puked last month.
  • I don’t know if that is blood on the mat now, it might be make up? Or, paint?
  • The commentary team is really putting over Japan, Japanese respect for wrestling, Japanese wrestling publications. It’s kind of ad nauseam.
  • Reed is doing well trying to get some moves in but he never gets more than one move in. Tanaka got some sort of armbar pin for the win.

And I’m Like… That was more of a showcase match for Tanaka. Myron has a lot of talent and wasn’t really screwed over by the refs at all. He tried to say the three count was fast, but it wasn’t. Remember when Shane Strickland bitched to MLW on MLW about how shitty MLW was? Then he never came back? That was a weird time.

Contra Unit video package of them bringing the ruckus.

We see Salina De La renta and her whole crew draw numbers for the Battle Riot. Mancer shows up and grabs a number. Something happened where Mancer grabbed the number Salina was supposed to grab and now De La Renta is upset.

Brian Pillman Jr. is cutting a promo backstage. Salina De La Renta shows up with her boobs all out. Brian won’t trade his number, even for “goods and services” or money. Brian kept saying boobs a lot.

MLW World Heavyweight Championship

New York Street Fight

Jimmy Havoc vs. Tom Lawlor(c)

  • Storyline here is that Jimmy is the only one to beat Tom Lawlor, and Lawlor took Jimmy out after the match, that was almost a year ago and Jimmy is finally back.
  • Jimmy supposedly got injured during this match, making him pull out of the Blackcraft wrestling show, which was probably the best thing to happen to Jimmy.
  • The MLW chapionship is SOOO BIG! Tom Lawlor coming out looking like a freshly shaved caveman.
  • Before the match starts, Jimmy is walking around the ring looking at what weapons are under the ring. Tom does not look impressed.
  • Jimmy jumps Tom during the introductions. The camera man was taken by surprise and exited the wrong side of the ring, leaving the camera cord in the ring for a bit.
  • Jimmy hasn’t used a weapon yet and tried to pin Lawlor after a lariat. Havoc threw a water bottle, full water bottle right at Tom’s face.
  • It’s a deathmatch in 2019 so you know they bringing out actual doors.
  • Lawlor repeatedly kicks Havoc and Jimmy ends up flipping Lawlor off. I remember the last no dq match I saw with Lawlor. He and Sami Callihan swapped a bunch of spit.
  • Jimmy Havoc heard a fan blowing an air horn. Jimmy asked for it and the fan gave Havoc the finger. Lawlor gets the advantage off of the fan distraction and then the fan gives Tom the air horn! Jimmy ends up using the air horn on Lawlor.
  • Soon there are like five doors, MLW runs an ad for by running a graphic over the screen mid match.
  • The ring mat is not covered in blood like the Myron Reed match. Makes me thin this championship match was early in the night? I don’t know now because the ring skirt is where the blood spot should be and it looks like the blood is there now? Why am I so focused on this? I don’t know.
  • While I was trying to figure that out, Jimmy Havoc was put through two chairs that were on top of a door that was on top of two more chairs.
  • The chairs got implanted into the door and Lawlor sets up the chair door, then belly to bellies Havoc onto the chair.
  • Jimmy breaks out the staple gun but then he gets caught in a figure four leg lock. Havoc breaks out of it by stapling Tom Lawlor’s head. Tom crawls half under the ring and comes out absolutely covered in blood. His arm and his head.. It looks like he rubbed the blood all over his head but It’s probably legit.
  • Jimmy licks the bloody head of Tom. Jimmy then staples Lawlor some more and hits his rainmaker clothesline on the ref.
  • As Jim Cornette bitches about not signing up for this kind of wrestling, Jimmy Havoc gets death valley driven through another door.
  • Jim has almost gone silent while Lawlor keeps trying to pin Havoc. Lawlor’s blood is almost all wiped off his body?
  • Tom sets a chair up intbetween him and Jimmy and kicks the chair right into Jimmy’s face as Havoc yells “fuck you!” Lawlor wins the match.

And I’m Like… When Tom was pulled from under the ring he was DRENCHED in blood, arm and hands and head. By the time the match was over there is like no blood at all. So um….. I really like how wrestling uses doors over tables now. It’s more practical in the ring and is a lot quicker to set up. They also seem to break easier. This match was nuts and really left the middle of the ring looking like chaos. Tom Lawlor is a defending champion and a fighting champion. That was way better than any Lawlor and Low Ki match.

Salina and her boys beat up some more people to take that dudes number. Salina is trying to get the best numbers so someone in her stable wins the automatic title shot against Lawlor.

That bloodstain is for sure there now. It was definitely from Tom’s…. blood packet?

Cornette and Rich put over Go Daddy. Jim says “we don’t break up these big time matches for commercial breaks”. Even though they had a Go Daddy commercial in the middle of the last match, which was the championship match.

Battle Riot

  • This is gonna be real hard to keep up, new dudes every minute. I saw dudes cause MLW NEVER books women to wrestle. I think I’ll just all caps the entrants.
  • MJF is the first one out and he has timed his theme song so it coincides with his entrance movements. It’s starting to grow on me, but I still don’t think it fits The Dynasty. It reminds me of a lava level on Sonic.
  • MJF cuts a promo before the match starts, talking about how he is better than everyone in MLW so he isn’t worried about being number one.
  • DAN SEVERN is the number two. He comes out to Queen and still looking lie a bad ass. I’m surprised MLW has the rights to “We Will Rock You”. MJF runs out of the ring and Dan looks like he is ready to murder.
  • Corny says Tank Abbot said “fighting Dan Severn is like being prison raped by Freddie Mercury”.
  • Match starts with a hand shake and Severn starts throwing MJF. Dan is 61.
  • EL HIJO DE LA PARK. Rumor is he only gets booked because LA Park won’t wrestle for you unless you book his kid.
  • Hijo is trying to taunt after hitting a move but Dan Severn taking care of business. Fuck someone else already coming out.
  • AIR WOLF is here! He comes in and starts lighting up Park, Dan Severn is just sitting and watching.
  • MINORU TANAKA is out next. I think all I can do is type who came out and like the one or two things they are doing. There hasn’t been any weapons, or pinfalls or anything. As Tanaka and Severn square off…
  • JORDAN OLIVER comes out to Eminem instrumental music. He is scrawny and looks like a marlboro smoking teen, but he is talented and a rising star. MLW has the youngest roster by far.
  • REY FENIX is out next and wrestles in his hoody again. I wonder why he wrestled in his hoody all weekend. I saw him on a few shows and it’s weird.
  • Bodies are starting to fill the ring and less action is happening. These minutes go FAST.
  • PENTAGON JR. shows up now and almost eliminates Jordan Oliver.
  • Lucha Bros. decide to team up and MJF is able to attempt the first pinfall in this match. It’s crazy that there is only one ref in this match, what if three pinfalls are happening at once.
  • AVALANCHE from Germany is here. No not Earthquake’s WCW gimmick prior to becoming a shark. Just some bowling ball looking fucker.
  • Rey Fenix went for a top rope move onto Air Wolf but MJF eliminated him. MJF is the only one trying to eliminate fuckers.
  • ACE ROMERO comes out looking mad as hell. He is waiting on Contra Unit to come in so he can extract revenge.
  • Commentators are starting to lose what’s going on here. Jordan Oliver I believe just got eliminated by Romero.
  • Hijo eliminated Pentagon jr.
  • KEN KERBIS just showed up. No idea who that is. Avalanche and Acey Baby have a strike battle in the middle of the ring. At the moment I really don’t know if I like Battle Riot.
  • LEO BRYAN shows up, he is a forgotten MLW roster member. Comes out with a cowbell and is using a weapon. Good, first dude that’s brought a weapon to the ring, why wouldn’t everyone do that.
  • Tanaka eliminated Severn.
  • The other Dirty Blonde wrestler came out, there are no chyron’s and if commentary doesn’t name them, I ain’t typing it, why would they make it harder to know who these wrestlers are, it’s already chaotic as hell. It’s Michael Patrick
  • GRINGO LOCO comes out and the crowd is excited. Leo Bryan is eliminated as Gringo comes in with a springboard cutter.
  • MJF eliminates Hijo de LA Park. Tanaka taps out Michael Patrick. By Dirty Blondes.
  • KOTTO BRAZIL comes out. He was a focus of MLW television for a long time, then he got an eye patch and isn’t featured much. He is really talented though. Kotto lighting everyone up right now.
  • REY HORUS makes his way out. The crowd is supportive but let’s be honest. Ain’t no one in the ring winning this thing. Especially when people are breaking up pinfalls. That’s mind blowing, why break up a pin??!
  • Rich Swann comes out to almost no reaction. His star sure has fallen since his cruiserweight run in WWE.
  • MYRON REED comes out and hops the top rope to hit a cutter. Tanaka is eliminated by Swann and Reed. It’s weird how every tag team have come out one after the other. Tag Teams must be very lucky to pull the numbers so close together.
  • BARRINGTON HUGHES is out next. Every time I watch him wrestle I pray for his knees.
  • Ace Romero and Barrington are tag partners and are ready to dominate this match.
  • Myron Reed is eliminated by Ace and Hughes. Hughes has a giant NAH FAM written on his ass.
  • Ace Austin comes in wearing a t-shirt. He doesn’t even come out with magic tricks. It’s like he didn’t know he would be in this match.
  • Barrington Hughes is eliminated. MJF keeps laying down in the corner to avoid wrestling anyone. Acey Baby eliminates Swann.
  • JIMMY YUTA. I remember him! And his blood feud with Jason Cade. I was invested in that and then they both just went away. Yuta eliminates Ace Austin.
  • MJF goes under the ring without the refs catching him.
  • JACOB FUCKING FATU is out next. The whole ring stips to prep for him. That shows you how much of a threat and future star Jacob is. All of Contra Unit shows up! Gotch is hitting people with gas cans and the Contra music is still playing while they decimate the whole roster. Three bodies are stacked. Jacob missed one moonsault but then Contra tries to light all the wrestlers on fire. Security and refs come out to kick Contra out but the Unit is fighting people and trying to light fuckers on fire. No one knows what is going on.
  • Jacob just starts moonsaulting on dudes while the ring is full of agents and security and referees. The crowd is silent. Everyone is laid out, Jacob even leaves, so he isn’t even going to be in the match? So Jacob is disqualified in a no dq match?
  • MJF sneaks in and pins everyone who is laid out except Acey. MJF is eliminating EVERYONE.
  • BRIAN PILLMAN JR. comes out, he is feuding with The Dynasty and MJF and Pillman is so confident and ready to take MJF down. The crowd cheers but they ain’t hot for it.
  • Brian Pillman eliminates MJF.
  • DAVEY BOY SMITH Jr. is out next because all tag teas draw numbres one away from each other.
  • Ace Romero is eliminated and now it’s just The Hart Foundation in the ring.
  • LAX comes out with KONNAN. The commentators don’t know why three dudes just came in the ring. No one knows why they are here and Rich suspects that they took Teddy HArt’s number. Which would make sense because tag team numbers.
  • Davey boy Smith easily dispatched of ALX but Konnan is still in the ring.
  • LOW KI is out there next and we are reminded that Low Ki stabbed Konnan in the kidney.
  • LA Park is out and he has his own chair. It’s a step stool and people are getting rocked. IT’s Salina’s group vs. Hart Foundation. We just heard Jacob Fatu is arrested on the street.
  • Some guy comes out but I have no idea how to spell his name. O’neil Satozy? Who know? There is no counter to tell us who is what number and it’s just too much right now.
  • Daga comes out and heads right for Low Ki. Low Ki stabbed Konnan who didn’t even try to beat up Low Ki, he just dipped out. Daga shows up and goes right for Low Ki.
  • BLUE MEANIE comes out in his BWO gear.
  • HAMMERSTONE is out next. The ring is filling up again and man, this match is not enjoyable.
  • SAMI CALLIHAN is out next and he brings a baseball bat with him. Sami used to have a group called Death Machine but they gone without explanation.
  • Sami Callihan is eliminating so many people. Pretty sure Pillman and Low Ki are out. No idea how many people are left or what’s even going on anymore. Blue Meanie got pinned and Ariel Dominguez is in and out of the ring so quickly.
  • Ricky Martinz comes out next, Low Ki and Daga keep arguing even though Low Ki was thrown out. Daga is now eliminated.
  • LANCE ANOA’I. Poor Lance, not only is he in the Samoan Dynasty with the name Lance, but he is on the same card as Jacob Fatu.
  • MANCE WARNER is out and he is coming to the ring with a 2×4. Crowd is excited for Ol’ Mancer. The crowd is giving Mancer, Jim Duggan chants.
  • Richard Holliday is out and commentary says that he is the last one. So the field is out.
  • Richard Holliday is taking forever to get in the ring. I forgot to mention that Contra Unit had their music playing the whole time New Jack style.
  • Mancer eliminated Ricky Martine. There are seven people left in the ring. Lance just got eliminated.
  • Hammerstone, Holliday, DBS, LA Park, Callihan and Mancer.
  • DBS and Holliday both were eliminated during that time. So now we are down to four people. LA Park is still in the damn ring?
  • Mancer and Hammerstone are fighting on the apron, these are the two I suspected to win the match but they bth got eliminatd. Now it’s Callihan and LA Park in the finish. This makes no sense.
  • LA Park throws Callihan over the top rope, Callihan lands on the ramp and no one knows if that counts. Callihan then just stares and Park punches Sami so Sami goes to the floor.

And I’m Like… That was trash. You know Royal Rumbles? They have three main stories throughout the match interspersed with memorable moments. Everything is allowed to breath and it’s easy to digest even though its chaotic. Battle Riot is just chaotic, there are barely any stores and if there are, they last for mere minutes. Last years was all about Tom Lawlor drawing number 5 and going to the finish. This year we didn’t know who was what number and there was zero narrative. Especially with LA Park winning and not squaring off against Mancer who he has been feuding with. Konnan was stabbed by a fucker and didn’t even TRY to fight him. Jacob Fatu and Contra Unit tried to light dudes on fire, then Jacob was supposedly arrested. At the end of the night Lawlor is giving a press conference and is attacked by Jacob Fatu…. Like? MLW damn it! Get your shit together!!! Battle Riot > Battle Riot 2.

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