MJF Cries Three Real Human Tears During Evil Uno’s Explosive And Hypothetical Edition Of AEW Dynamite

Dynamite being on Tuesday this week didn’t stop Evil Uno from live-tweeting results from a hypothetical edition of the show that he booked.

Full results can be seen below (via Evil Uno’s Twitter account).

– It’s 7:50. That means were 10 minutes away from a hypothetical episode of AEW’s explosive Wednesday show! Stay tuned for up to date results by your inside man, Evil Uno!

– The show begins! We have a special commentary team of Excalibur, Daddy Magic, Bill Regal, one of The Boys (can’t tell which one) and of course, Evil Uno! #ItsExplosive

– Here comes MJF! He’s got something to say and he’s going to tell you all about it over the next 19 minutes! Evil Uno is excited. #ItsExplosive

– What captivating content! Evil Uno thinks he even saw MJF cry 3 real human tears when talking about the time someone bullied him on a message board. Amazing! #ItsExplosive

– Oh no! Before MJF could talk about the time he was pen pals with Billy Gunn, Brandon Cutler has interrupted! He’s mad about losing that first Dynamite match and has challenged MJF! Your opening match: BRANDON CUTLER vs. MJF #ItsExplosive

– Unsurprisingly, Cutler won with an airplane spin. The crowd is throwing quarters in the ring to show their appreciation! #ItsExplosive

– You heard it here first. Yes, Evil Uno makes Daddy Magic’s nipples hard! #ItsExplosive

– Here’s FTR! They’re not satisfied with the 7 current championships they own and want the opportunity they believed they are owed. Your next match: FTR vs. The Blondes for the W*ING World Tag Team Championships! #ItsExplosive

– FTR wins in quick fashion! Now that they are W*ING Champions, Dax proclaims they’ve just earned their 8th star! It’s the one typed in W*ING! 8 Star FTR! #ItsExplosive

– We go backstage with Nyla Rose! Before she takes a breath, she is rudely interrupted by Jade. Nyla admits she traded the TBD Championship for a bag of Ruffles’ All-Dressed Chips and she ain’t sharing! She sprints away. #ItsExplosive

– Excalibur has just professed his love for Evil Uno and William Regal is FURIOUS. We have a lovers quarrel on commentary! #ItsExplosive

– We know you’ve been asking for it! Our third match of the night: SATNAM SINGH vs. SERPENTICO #ItsExplosive

– Satnam tossed Serpentico into orbit and since he has yet to return, he’s been counted out! Satnam wins! #ItsExplosive

– The Bunny and Penelope Ford are playing Ouija backstage. You shouldn’t play with demonic boardgames. They accidentally summoned Abadon! A challenge has been made. Your fourth match: Ford & The Bunny vs. Abadon & let’s say… Riho #ItsExplosive

– Penelope Ford distracts Abadon with a severed leg (that a fan happily supplied) and wins with a roll-up. Jamie Hayter inexplicably showed up to take a Riho crossbody to the floor. #ItsExplosive

– There’s a bed in the ring. IT’S A LIVE SCISSORING CELEBRATION! Before Mark Sterling can touch finger taints with Tony Nese, Chris Jericho interrupts because you just can’t have a single Wednesday show without The Ocho! #ItsExplosive

– Mark Sterling says he’s payed off the people in charge (Evil Uno swears it wasn’t him) and he’s getting an ROH Championship opportunity RIGHT NOW. Match 5: “Smart” Mark Sterling vs. Chris Jericho! #ItsExplosive

– In what people are saying is Mark Sterling’s best match ever, Chris Jericho wins in 32 seconds. #ItsExplosive

– John Silver, Alex Reynolds and 10 are in the crowd and they’re holding signs that say “WHERE IS DARK ORDER”. No one acknowledges it. #ItsExplosive

– We know it’s only 9:07, but anything can happen on this explosive Wednesday show. It’s time for the main event! MOX vs. Evil Uno for the World Championship #ItsExplosive

– BCC has surrounded the ring to cheer on a very very bloody Moxley. Evil Uno is handing him a beating! #ItsExplosive

– Wow! Moxley wins & is still your World Champion! Moxley can not be beat! Even in a made-up world, Evil Uno can’t win the big one. The show closes out 45 minutes earlier than anticipated because there’s a sports game or something. #ItsExplosive

– Stick around after the sports game for a replay of The Meg! Good night everyone! #ItsExplosive

You can view the card for next week’s very real episode of Dynamite by clicking here.

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