Monday Night jaBROnis (RAW Review 8/2/21)

Topher McCann (co-host of ‘the jaBROnis’) is back and ready to guide you through another Monday Night RAW which was live from the Allstate Arena in Chicago!

Goldberg confronts Hot Bobby!

Goldberg came out to interrupt MVP and Hot Bobby during their opening promo. Between the ‘WE WANT WYATT’ chants, Goldberg claimed that he lives by the spear and that Lashley will die by the spear. Goldberg exited the ring and made his way up the ramp. Meanwhile, MVP went over towards Goldberg’s son in the crowd and taunted him. This led to Goldberg lightly jogging down the ramp to hit a vicious (sarcasm) spear on MVP.

Drew McIntyre vs. Veer & Shanky (Handicap Match)

Drew made his way down to the ring with pumped in crowd noise from a previous John Cena entrance. That is a real thing that happened which is insane. We had a quick match here which led to Jinder getting involved and hitting Drew with a chair for the DQ. Jinder, Veer and Shanky had Drew surrounded all with chairs in hand but for some reason they allowed Drew to grab his sword (not his penis) and then teased the attempted murder of three men. I still smell Drew being locked up next week for several attempts of murder and the payoff most likely being a Punjabi Prison match at Summerslam.

Look at Drew’s huge sword!

Nia Jax (w/ Shayna Baszler) vs. Rhea Ripley

We had Nia’s eye busted open during the match. We also had a distraction from Shayna on the apron which backfired and led to botched ending with Rhea getting the surprise rollup for the win. After the match, Nia was yelling at Shayna, who took her jacket off and they came face to face. Shayna ended up rolling out of the ring and heading towards the back while Rhea snuck back in the ring to hit the Riptide on Nia.

Mace & T-Bar vs. Mustafa Ali & Mansoor

I’m only here for Reginald, rematches, surprise rollups and 50/50 booking. Thank God we are getting at least two here with this next match. Ali had a huge reaction from his hometown crowd. Obviously since Ali and Mansoor won last week, we had them losing to Mace and T-Bar this week. It’s 50/50 booking and it F**KING RULES! To add injury to insult, we had Mace and T-Bar hit High Justice on Ali in front of his home crowd because to quote Vince McMahon, “F**k ’em!”

Doudrop (w/ Eva Marie) vs. Tamina

Since Natalya is hurt and they can’t have a rematch this week, I’m sure the writers were in a panic trying to develop some kind of storytelling. They took the “let’s have Eva do a bunch of distractions and then have Tamina beat Doudrop in about 3 minutes” approach.

After the match we had Alexa Bliss and Lilly pop up on the screen to declare the loser of the match to be Eva Marie! (and us!)

MIZ TV which then leads to…

Damian Priest vs. John Morrison

Which ultimately leads to Sheamus & John Morrison vs. Ricochet & Damian Priest

We got drip sticks and a quick Priest win over Morrison after hitting the South of Heaven chokeslam. This led to Sheamus attacking Priest after the match and Ricochet coming in for the save. We came back from commercial to a tag match between these men already underway. Priest hit the Reckoning on Morrison to pick up the win for him and Ricochet in just under 5 minutes. Not sure what is next for Miz, Morrison or Ricochet but all signs point to Sheamus vs. Priest for the United States Championship at Summerslam.

Riddle vs. Omos

We had Lashley accept Goldberg’s challenge at Summerslam backstage before Riddle made his way out to take on Omos. An AJ Style-less Omos destroyed Riddle in a quick match hitting a chokebomb for the victory.

WWE

Karrion Kross vs. Keith Lee

Time to bust out a rematch line and a 50/50 booking line and go to town!

Two guys who should not be facing each other whatsoever are back to face each other for consecutive weeks. Lee got the win clean after hitting the Spirit Bomb. I have no idea what they are doing with these two men and it looks like WWE has no clue either.

24/7 Championship Match: Reggie(c) vs. Akira Tozawa

Reggie is here to save the show as usual! He quickly hit a flipping seated senton on Tozawa to retain the title. Let us all take a moment to bask in the glory of Keith Lee REGGIE!

Nikki ASH vs. Charlotte (No Holds Barred)

BUST OUT ANOTHER REMATCH LINE AND 50/50 BOOKING LINE . . . STAT!

We got BECKY and CM PUNK chants during the match. We also had some tables and chairs make a sexy appearance. The finish saw Charlotte spear a table instead of Nikki which led to Nikki hitting a hanging swinging neckbreaker for the win. Nikki ASH celebrated with the crowd as the show ended.

Me after several rematch lines and 50/50 booking lines:

#AndStill

jaBROnis . . . OUT!

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