Monday Night jaBROnis (RAW Review 6/21/21)

Topher McCann (co-host of ‘the jaBROnis’) back and reporting for duty!

WWE Raw was live from Tampa, Florida at the Yuengling Center inside the ThunderDome. Let’s waste no time and embark on this magical journey together…

Opening Segment

As soon as I saw the cell still hanging above, I knew we were getting a Hell in a Cell match on RAW because Simpsons Smackdown did it!

We had a VIP lounge with Hot Bobby, MVP and the ladies. As they were about to toast to Hot Bob’s big win at Hell in a Cell, Xavier and Kofi came out and began tossing actual toast at them. Little do they know that it has been scientifically proven that if you throw a slice of bread at Hot Bobby and it strikes him, the bread instantly becomes toast (obviously because he’s so hot!). We had Kofi challenging Hot Bobby for the WWE Championship at Money in the Bank. Kofi talked about him winning the championship at WrestleMania 35 and mentioned MVP shedding tears when that moment occurred. This was a missed opportunity by MVP though. He should of instantly asked Kofi, “How long did it take Brock Lesnar to take that away from you?” (ANSWER: 9 seconds) But again, what the f*** do I know!

Hot Bobby talked down to Xavier and a match was set up for the main event! It will be HOT Bobby Lashley vs. Xavier Woods in … wait for it … HELL IN A CELL!

AJ Styles vs. Ricochet (Money In the Bank Qualifying Match)

It was announced that we would be having 5 qualifying matches for spots in the men and women’s Money In The Bank. We see a backstage altercation with AJ and Omos and the Viking Raiders which involved AJ smacking a turkey leg out of Ivar’s hand. Regardless of the five second rule, revenge would obviously be coming after that disrespectful nonsense shown by Styles! We got a great match between Styles and Ricochet which ended with the Viking Raiders coming out and putting Omos through the timekeepers area. Back in the ring, we saw Ricochet reverse the Phenomenal Forearm into the Recoil and Ricochet became the first entrant in the men’s MITB match.

Asuka & Naomi vs. Eva Marie & Piper Niven Doudrop (Money In the Bank Qualifying Match)

Eva Marie admitted she had a cold last week and needed to use her protege for the match against Naomi. She is all healed up this week and tagging with Doudrop (facepalm) to take on Asuka and Naomi. Winners get the first two spots in the women’s MITB match. Eva instantly tagged in Doudrop (dear God, I hate typing that) and she dominated Naomi. With Naomi down, Eva tagged herself in to try and get the pin but Naomi kicked out. Eva then wanted to tag out but Doudrop doudropped off the apron (see what I did there) and Naomi rolled up Eva for the victory. Asuka and Naomi are the first two entrants in the women’s MITB match.

We then had Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville bring out RAW Women’s Champion, Rhea Ripley, to have her explain why she got herself disqualified at the PPV. She then basically acted like a child saying that Charlotte always cheats and gets away with it so why can’t she. This lead to a rematch between the two at MITB being announced and then Charlotte and Rhea eye f***ed each other for roughly 38 seconds and it was super awkward.

Randy Orton vs. John Morrison (Money In the Bank Qualifying Match)

When it looked like Randy was about to finish off Morrison, Miz rolled over to the ring in his wheelchair and sprayed Randy in the face with his drip stick (love typing that). Riddle scooted out and we had a chase around the ring between a wheelchair and a scooter. Morrison, with Orton distracted, got the upper hand to hit Starship Pain and gained entry into this year’s MITB match. Randy is pissed! Earlier in the night, they were already teasing breaking up RKBro which doesn’t surprise me at all since it’s one of the better things going on in the company.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross vs. Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler w/ Reginald!!! (Money In the Bank Qualifying Match)

Remember Nikki Cross in Sanity? Remember her being one of the most feared women in NXT? We have her celebrating not getting pinned for 2 minutes every week and now we have her dressed up like a superhero that looks like my 5 year old daughter designed (no offense to my beautiful Lydia). More hocus pocus occurred which led to Cross pinning Baszler. Everyone ending up looking like a huge geek in this match except for Reginald obviously because he f***ing rules! Alexa and Nikki join Asuka and Naomi in the women’s MITB match.

JINDER sighting!

Jinder, Cedric, Jeff and Sheamus are backstage venting their frustrations to Pearce and Deville about not being included in any of the MITB qualifying matches (which is a very fair point). The segment ended with Jinder asking to be considered as an alternate if something were to happen to one of the competitors. How pissed are these dudes going to be when they find out that the three men who lost tonight will have a second chance next week in a triple threat match to gain entry into the MITB match? Why are people getting second chances when some get no chance? It’s dumb but at least it could lead to a Drew/Jinder program which could be interesting with their 3MB history.

Matt Riddle vs. Drew McIntyre (Money In the Bank Qualifying Match)

Riddle and Drew went back and forth for just over 20 minutes with Randy watching from the top of the ramp. We see Riddle get the surprising 1-2-3 over Drew and qualify himself for the MITB match. After the match, Riddle walked up the ramp to try and talk to Randy which lead to Orton inevitably making eye contact with Riddle but saying nothing. Riddle and myself were left in tears and all I can say is please don’t break these two up yet!

Zack Ryder Jaxson Ryder Jaxson Ryker is Strapped!

Mansoor is looking for some advice, so obviously he made his way to Ryker who was in the middle of whipping himself with a belt. We are getting a strap match next week between Elias and Ryker (F*** YEAH!). Ali showed up and informed Mansoor that he was asking all the wrong questions to all the wrong people. Ryker went back to whipping himself and all seemed right in the world!

Xavier Woods vs. “Hot” Bobby Lashley (Hell In A Cell)

We closed out the night with Hot Bobby putting the Hurt Lock on Woods for the win. After the ref left the cell, MVP entered and locked it behind him. We went off the air with Lashley applying the Hurt Lock once again on Woods with Kingston on the other side of the cell not being able to do a damn thing!

Overall, I thought RAW was an excellent show. There were no rematches and it was great to see WWE advertise five MITB qualifying matches for the show. However, it was confusing that the women competed in tag matches to qualify for a singles match. I believe that creative is doing a huge disservice to the women on RAW currently and it is extremely unfortunate.

One more thing … Why the hell would you give three people who lost their opportunity to qualify for MITB another chance the following week!?!

What about Jinder?

What about Jeff?

What about Cedric?

What about . . . REGINALD!

Until next week . . . jaBROnis OUT!