Depression can happen to anyone at anytime in their life. They can be on top of the world professionally, but mentally falling apart at the seems. It becomes hard to be motivated to do anything, and even harder to reach out for help.
Tommy Dreamer had an entire podcast episode about depression. He shared his stories on the House of Hardcore podcast, because Tommy wants people to know that there will always be another day. That your world does not have to end because one day you feel like it should. Dreamer shares stories about his struggles in life, and gives two stories about the times he was suicidal.
Below is an excerpt from his podcast on what went through his mind in his youth, and the scary things that could happen if you don’t reach out for help.
When ECW went out of business I was 29 years old. I had a lot of my money, my parents money, trying to float the company. Paul Heyman, who I thought me and him were super tight, he screwed me over big time. He was in the WWE, the whole time. I had turned down hundereds of thousands of dollars to go to WCW. And now was unemployed. I went from a $750,000 offer, and Paul Heyman crying to me, that if I leave ECW, it will go out of business. Meanwhile he was getting a paycheck from WWE. I don’t begrudge him, but then I did. I was depressed as depressed can be. I had women, I had fame, I had everything and yes it was the worst time of my life. It really was. I was doing indies, making decent money on the indies. But, I lived at home…
This is crazy for me to admit it, but I am doing it for a reason, just like I admitted to other things previously. Wrestlemania Houston (X7) Paul Heyman told me I was going to debut. All this stuff, when they had TLC and Spike Dudley came in, and Rhyno came in, and Lita came in. That was supposed to be my spot and then uh, that got ixnayed. Then there was gonna be a hardcore 24/7 thing, that was gonna be “all about you”. That was when I was supposed to debut. I remember I did a show there, and I saw a sign that said “Guns Welcome” and I was in Houston. I did an indie show, and I said “What is this?” I’m from New York, what do you mean “Guns Welcome?” and they said “Oh you are allowed to bring a firearm into the venue. I was across the street from the Astrodome. When I tell you it resonated in my head so, so much. That I’ll tell you what I wanted to do. It’s sick that I think this. At Wrestlemania, I was gonna hop the rail and I was gonna whack Paul E. in the back of the head right at the announce table, then I was gonna whack myself. The ultimate martyr, I was gonna hit my pose crack, boom, pull the trigger. Because I was that insane. Don’t know if I would have went through with it, but that’s what I was thinking about everyday. I was like “I will go down in history.” Pop, boom. First they’d think it as an angle until I shot him. I was so severely depressed and so mental with rage, I needed help. That help came from a phone call from Jim Ross. Randomly I get a phone call from a number I didn’t know… I didn’t pick up, and I remember having these thoughts, and it was bad. I had a gun, I was psssh man. Could you think about the horribleness that I would have done for my legacy? I would have ruined Wrestlemania, which I love Wrestlemania. For everybody. These thoughts were so so crazed in my head. How dare that person, he screwed my parents over and I come from a mobster mentality. In my head I was like “I would become infamous.” Which is famous for the wrong reason. I’m glad I didn’t do it. But when that phone call came from Jim Ross. Again, just said leave a message. It said “Hey Tommy it’s Jim Ross, just want to let you know, we are still thinking about you, we are gonna get it done, just got to hang tight. Thank you.
Think of how stupid I would have been, how dumb and how messed up my thoughts would have been if they would have come to fruition. I am so happy I didn’t do it, I am so happy that I did get that phone call, from someone who was a stranger, I barely knew the guy. There was another day, there has been a lot of other days.Tommy Dreamer
You can listen to the whole podcast here
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(Please credit Bodyslam.net for the transcription.)