Experts Predict Impact Wrestling Will Survive a Nuclear Holocaust

In a startling reversal, business and wrestling experts have changed their tunes about the fortunes of long beleaguered company Impact Wrestling. Whereas the company has been predicted to be on the verge of collapse more times than literally anyone can count, those in the field now see things differently.


“Seriously, that crapfest just won’t die.” said Dr. Watson of the Atlanta Economics Institute. “I don’t know what could even kill it at this point. I’m pretty sure a drone strike would be useless. Frankly we just gave up trying to predict what would happen. Impact or Global or whatever it is this week will somehow shake off the damage and end up on a bigger network with a better deal. It defies all logic and reason but it just keeps happening. This company has given me night sweats. I’ve been thinking about giving up economics and going into trash collecting.

We reached out to Impact Wrestling for a response. After assuring them that we weren’t creditors, they offered us the position of Head Booker. We politely declined and got off the call as quickly as possible.



*Disclaimer: This is satire. Which is 100% gluten free. Probably. Who even knows at this point?