Sunday, September 23, 2018
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False Finish Headlines

Professional Speaker Employed by WWE Fails to Inform Company of Criminal Charge for Four...

-Stamford, CT Enzo Amore (real name who the fuck cares) was fired yesterday amidst a possible rape allegation. Amore, who talked a lot and aspired to one day perform as a functioning professional wrestler, was employed by WWE for several...

WWE Locker Room Furious at Rich Swann After His Arrest Causes a Pizza Party...

The entire locker room is said to be ready to maul Swann on sight this week. Swann was arrested for false imprisonment and battery early this week and doing so triggered Stephanie McMahon to cancel a celebratory pizza party...

Marty Jannetty Announces “I’ve Totally Got that RVD Thing Too”

Marty Jannetty confused a number of convention goers when he burst out in an explanation as to why he was no longer making appearances for WWE. The former Intercontinental Champion was a member of a panel of former wrestlers...

WWE Finances Rise as Wall Street Reacts Positively to Planned Enzo/Nia Sex Tape

-Wall StreetVince McMahon is now much richer after investors learned about one of the company's plans going forward. The Enzo Amore/Nia Jax sorry has just started,  but those in the position to move and or shake in the financial...

Wrestling Fans Preparing for Required Switch to Hating Everything About Matt Hardy Now That...

Wrestling fans the world over mourn tonight as WWE was finally able to give them something they requested. Matt Hardy's Broken gimmick is a go, and people could not be more happy as they prepare to despise every single...

WWE Rollls Out CM Punk Ice Cream Bars

-Stamford, CT John Lauren...Loren...Larin....Ace announced today that WWE was launching is new line of ice cream bars based on fan demand."We like to be right on top of trends." He said,  sounding like he was gargling a live cat. "WWE...

Experts Predict Impact Wrestling Will Survive a Nuclear Holocaust

In a startling reversal, business and wrestling experts have changed their tunes about the fortunes of long beleaguered company Impact Wrestling. Whereas the company has been predicted to be on the verge of collapse more times than literally anyone...

Terrified Zack Ryder Reveals Mojo Rawley Has Actually Been on Relaxers This Entire Time

-Lillehammer, NorwayAn anonymous source informed False Finish Headlines that Zack Ryder has been privately telling people that he discovered that partner Mojo Rawley has been on relaxers for years and that what we've all seen only scratches the surface. "Even...

Wrestling Fans Finally Kind of Okay with A Billy Gunn Main Event Push

  The wrestling world was shocked when the mysterious "They" spoke up this week and announced that a Billy Gunn world title run would be welcome now. The anonymous person, speaking for all people, stated that at this point it...

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Untitled Wrestling Blog: “…Reaching for Ring Ropes and Touching Turnbuckles”

“…Reaching for Ring Ropes and Touching Turnbuckles”Four years ago I earned my first paycheck from professional wrestling as a dirt sheet writer for a former site...

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